Little Things

I am captivated, encapsulated, infactuated by the little things. The saddest things is that for the longest time, I never thought they were enough.

Under the dappled sunshine of an afternoon spent by a mandering stream dotted with ducks, cranes and water fowl, I felt the quite joy of being alive. As I watched a wood duck dive into the water with his little bum acting as a buoy each time his head was submerged, I thought I could watch this for hours. I could watch him, I could watch the crane stalk the muddy banks, I could give love and conversation to an old lady that seemed like she hadn't actually been heard in years. I could do all of this and be satisfied.

In those quite moments, special and solitary, where I engage with the world around me, I get the meaning of life. It's not money, though a little more would make my life easier. It's not personal recognition or achievement; its not your car, your watch, your status, your partner's statuts. It is not any of the things that we bend over backwards and break our necks trying to achieve. It is the little things- like ducks' bums.

You see, I have, like many of my human counterparts, being mentally fogged with the preoccupation of comfort. Consumerist desire to attain more, to do less and in turn disconnect from everyone else except for the materialist avatar I leave in my stead; The avatar I work to feed, cloth, program to dance to make the other avatars clap. All the while missing the little things. The things that lets us connect with another human being, the brief moments were souls interwine and say "hey, you know me"

As I walked home from the stream, I though about these little things and my legacy as a human being. I have such grandiose ambitions, empires built on the backs of other people, towers built of money and ruthless ambition so that I can be financially prosperious and THEN be able to help the people I love. Maybe, just maybe when I look down from the wavering heights of my achievements, I will feel validated; satisfied; worthy of the skin I possess?

On this walk, I looked at the two toned wattle blossoms, and saw their beauty even if their decay and thought "I want to be remembered for the little things". The girl that saw beauty in everything. The girl that smiled at everyone she passes, giving a little of her love to any that are willing to receive it. The girl that said she will be there, and without doubt, always was. The girl that held you, loved you and heard you and asked for nothing in return. The girl that relished the little things and the opportunity to be alive.

I know I will achieve a world of things that will make the materially minded envious. I will scale the professional ladder with an ease and flair that will bring both admiration and resentment. But these are not the things that I want to be remembered by. I want to seen for the beauty of my heart, not of my face. I want to be admired for giving my last dollar to someone who needed it more than making my first million. I want more than what I have ever wanted before, yet it is less than what I have set out of achieve.


All I want is to be remembered as the girl that loved

Fight or Flight?

When it is that we develop our instincts to deal with any given suitation? I mean, really, what precise moment in time is it when we programe ourselves to feel; how to react; how to just deal? The bigger question for me know is how do I erase that program and start fresh?

In this changing life when every day is a new world, my honesty with myself is the only stable part of my life. And honestly, I am watching my ship sinking fast. I am adrift in a new world of ideas, emotion, circumstance, and I hate that I cling so desperately to the sinking ships of the past. The world as I know it is dying. This sounds macabre, but it really is beautiful more than anything. The past is shedding from me like skin. I see an ocean of possibilities; of new experience; a chance to be reprogramed. But as I watch the only things I know sink in this ocean, in the midst of its beauty, I am terrified.

I know that I am capable of change; of loving another with wanton abandon and giving that love to myself. But soometimes I think that I push so hard against my resistance that it becomes steadfast rather than allowing slow growth and consequent release. I am trying to live the adventure, be engaged with the journey and I know the wisdom of this path. It stares glaringly at me, as it has the whole time.

But wisdom is easily seen and difficult to enact. There is something holding me back. There is something that I need to let go of or I will sink with all these ships. I feel like I know exactly what this is, but my waking mind cannot describe it. Whatever it is, I know now that I need to face it, look it squarely in the eye and say I know you. There is nothing I can change, There is nothing I need to do. I just need to find acknowledgement so that this great white elephant can finally leave the room.

All I can do is to take the steps that wisdom suggests and let go of my pride. So for once it my life, I will be brave. Not the courage forced by a blind rush into action, though it has been the catalyst for my learning thus far. I will be brave enough to take one step at a time, allow myself to grow rather than pull myself up my the roots. Otherwise, I will run. Always the flight risk, all my mental programs are screaming run, run like you have never run before. But there is something inseide me that anchors me. I just can't run away more. I have to do this, all of it, everything. I have to allow myself to feel

Just a thought for for the Legal Purist

Call me simple;

Call me naive;

Call me a lawyer in her infancy, closing her eyes and pushing her fingers deep into her ears because she refuses to believe what she sees. But what is happening to this beautiful entity by which lawyers surrender their integrity, their ambition, their will to by right but the world and in its place justice is born? The institution which I have subscribed, the one to which I will willing give myself in the pursuit of a better world, one case at a time?

What I am is an idealist. I believe in the law; as an institution, as a social regulator, as a mother to a world of unruly children that need both guidance and a firm hand. But my heart pales when her virtue is ever so slowly being stripped away as she climbs into bed with politics, media and business. Strategic maneuvers of vendetta on personal and global fronts, Her guiding hand forced into a fists to strike blows of the cowardly vengeful.

Why is it that increasing costs will give a father a right to his son, when the decency to admit to a web of fabricated lies is not enough? When a advocate will allow bitter malice to manipulate the law into a vice around the hearts of those we can no longer control. When did justice and moral decency take a backseat? Will it ever drive again?

Why is it the media and her wanton ways; disloyal, unfaithful, lustful and flippant- turn the heads of many, propel them to do what is just? For them to purge, to recede, to sing, to dance? And the worse that we accept it? That we watch them lay themselves on the mercy of the court, kneel in legal confessional when they have not the heart to support the conviction of their pleas. Purely forced by the torturous media, pinning their arms behind their back until they scream uncle that bring those words to part. The fact that so may of my fellow advocates allow the worship of such a false idol; allows justice to move to the hands of the media tyrant; watches the law and her majesty fade to a shell of historic formality is what brings shadow into my heart

This world is mourning the loss of valour in man; the humanity, the honour, the dignity and divinity to serve the truth. In a debaucherous world where we would rather serve the harlot media, the vengence of man or the mistress of politics than the law in her virtue, I am lost.

For me, The law is our mother, her arms open and whisper these gentle words to those that still have the ability to hear her:

"Come to me. I will do what is right; by you; by the community for which you are the "I". I may be harsh, but I will be fair. I will weight you by the feather of truth and with the guidance of your peers, you shall be judged.

But know this: If you do not resist me, I will be your guiding light. I will show you the purification of contrition and the salvation to do right by your fellow man. I will give you tangible payment so that your soul may purge this injurious assault.

But if you betray me, and to the depths of your deceit, you will be matched by reciprocal fury. Fore in the end all lessons are the same and must be learned. It is you that chooses the path for which you will be lead"


God give me the grace to bring to life these virtues;
To restore the law to her rightful brilliance;
To return faith and confidence in her to the society of which she is their servant