It's all the same thing, isn't it?

I've been thinking a lot recently about the "Celestine Prophecy" and "following my feet". I have also been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. What links these text and relationship with God together I think is faith. The "Celestine Prophecy" tells us to see the signs and the power and divinity of synchronicity. "The Secret" tells us about positive thinking and the act of willing our desires into existence persistent thought. Positive thinking is definitely important and it is constant battle to ensure that we let the positive rather on the negative side win out; But it still comes down to faith. I mean think about it - positivity comes from faith and faith is essentially the absence of fear. Therefore negativity is the opposite of faith because it is based solely in fear. Of Course it is definitely important to have conscious direction as to what we want our lives. It is to faith helps us to trust & to see the opportunities in our lives. Faith allows us to have the ability to open our eyes to our lives and not to barage ourselves with the incessant questions of "what if... (insert negative thought here)?" But faith in itself, for want of a better phrase, is a constant battle. It's not something that necessarily comes easy to all of us and I know myself it is something that I find difficult to maintain. The reason why faith is so important because without faith these tools of the conscious mind maybe lead askew. I mean there's no benefit to "following the signs" if you're living in constant anxiety as to whether you are following the right signs or what will happen if you don't follow a sign... The anxiety of what if It sounds totally naff but I am starting to see that with faith comes love and acceptance of not only the world around you and the people in it but of yourself; That is the most difficult thing that I've been Trying to master over the 29 years of my life thus far So as I follow my feet and critically analyse and accept the things that happened and come into my life I know that is God that brings this to me. I know that it is God that will shine a light in times of darkness and will provide the guidance if I cannot trust my instincts to know what is the right direction to take.

Teenage Angst approaching 30?

It is a horrible feeling when you wake up in the morning and realize that you live in a constant state of angst and loathing. I mean it took three changes of clothes, the brightest pink eye shadow I could find and overcoming a moment of depressed despair "you can't pull this off (i.e.: you're fat) and you know it" to be to a place of approval of myself. Deep breath in, split second appreciation and *sigh* now back to address everything else that I loath about myself.

Honestly a former version of me is disgusted with myself (which is probably just another projection of guilt and loathing) "You were never like this; well you got past this anyway. You stopped talking to yourself like this, stopped abusing your body..."

Sorry to interrupt the diatribe but I just had news flash of truth - "you were drinking when you were happy". Funny shit - who would have thought that when I wasn't drinking alcohol, was eating healthy food and vigorously exercising daily that it made a difference to my mental state.

But truly, sarcasim and negativity aside, healthy body = healthy mind. It sounds uncool to say it but it is true. Damn. The simple truths (which will lead to what I ultimately desire) seems to warrant the most monumental amount of change. Now on to do something about it.

And who said writing never set you free - thank you Lord for the medium and revelations. Moreover thank you for the gift of insight that comes with acknowledging yourself in whatever form it is and being able to accept the honesty that you heart is willing to give when you are willing to listen.