My dear sweet fiancee asked me to do whatever makes me happy and not to focus so much on making him happy. To get the ball rolling, Liam asked that I wrote something to the rain.
"Can it be about the rain?"
"No, it must be to the rain"
"What if I don't fell like writing to the rain?"
"You must write it to the rain"
"What if I don't feel like writing at all? What if I would prefer to do an extended yoga session and that would make me happy"
"For me, can you please write something to the rain"
So essentially what my darling fiance was asking me not focus on him but myself and to do so I should write something at his request on the subject of his choosing...
Don't worry, I brought the contradict of his request to his attention and I was already feeling decidedly shifty as we were in bed, I was tired and my sinus felt like it was blocked with cheese.
But that little seed settled in my brain that night; throughout the day and wouldn't you know it - he was right. Making yourself happy simply equates to looking after yourself and enjoying the moment while you do it - if you can.
So I got myself ready for work rather than racing around like a mother with seven children. I was able to take the time to straighten my hair the way I like, do some yoga and generally ease in to the morning. And to reward my efforts, I was made scrambled eggs with wilted spinach atop soy and linseed bread - yum!
The funny thing I realised (besides that fact that the day I decided to take the time to straighten my hair properly, I get caught in the rain) was that I had raced around making breakfast, making Liam's lunch etc because I ignorantly thought that he could not do it without me.
But lo and behold, not only was he up showered and dressed, he had made an amazing breakfast for me. It shows that not only do I need to take more time for myself but I also need to give the man a little credit. Liam functioned quite well before I came on the scene and while it's nice to have someone look after you, it doesn't remove that fact he is a fully functioning adult.
So today, I did what made myself happy - without beating myself up for the things I should be doing. And you guessed it again - Liam was right (yes I know that it must be amazing for male readers out there to hear a woman not only say that her man was right, but to say it multiple times) - there is and needs to be a balance.
Instead of kicking myself for not going to spin class because I had urgent submissions to write, I didn't care. After work, I worked out for 2 hours at the gym doing weights and body balance. Yet because I let it go, it came back to me - my cardio this evening was getting home at 8.30pm, realising that Liam had my car and that the shops closed at 9pm. So I ran to the shops and made it there and did my shopping with plenty of time to spare.
Balance, it's a curious thing, it is not something that can be controlled by strict regime but also must be controlled in a sense that you must consciously choose what it right in any given moment of time. And it is not your mind that will tell you - its your body. If you feel peaceful about a decision rather than angst or any intense emotion really, you are on the right track. Like when you eat something really healthy which you enjoy and your body says "My god, I love you, I needed that sooooooooooooo much"
And by the way, had the most amazing shower after my gym, my run and my walk home laden with groceries. I did something that I never do - I just had a shower. I wasn't planning the next five minutes or thinking about all the things that needed to be done in the future or what I had failed to do the past. I just had a shower; and it was great
So, dear Mr/Mrs/Master/Dr/Prof etc Rain, thank you for your attention and allowing me to write about a concept which you are most likely not only aware but are in a constant state of.
All my Love and Best Wishes
Tahnee
